The Act of Love

I have a bone to pick with the authors of fairy tales like Snow White and Cinderella.  I feel I, among thousands of hundreds of young girls have been deceived by these stories of young girls finding their “prince charming” even in the midst of adversity.  I mean sure, the story line is great, beautiful young women, overcoming the abuse of their jealous stepmothers while maintaining their sweet nature.  And who doesn’t love that the prince comes riding in on his white horse to sweep her away and live happily ever after – wait, that’s it!  This is the part that stumps me.  The author cops out just when the story is getting good, sure he sweeps her off her feet, but do they really live happily ever after?  Does anyone?  What happens after they ride off into the sunset, after the engagement, after the wedding?  They tell you of the passionate meeting and the courtship, but what is it they are not telling you?

They conveniently leave out the part where Cinderella pops out a couple of kids, leaving her body a stretched out saggy mess.  Her once flat belly now resembles bread dough, not at all attractive.  The beauty that once caught the eye of her suitor is now beaten down with bags under her eyes from sleepless nights, and the attention she could give her prince now tugged at by the crying eyes, and prying hands of her children.  They don’t tell you that for some reason un-grasping to her, Prince Charming is incapable of putting the toilet seat down after use,



despite Cinderella’s numerous and nagging requests.  They don’t tell you that after eight years of marriage Prince Charming is glued to the television every night after the kids are in bed; Cinderella pleading for some attention from her husband.  And don’t even get me started on Cinderella’s monthly mood swings that seemed to have amplified since motherhood.

No, they don’t tell you the stressful details of what comes with the ever after, instead we’re left thinking marriage is going to be a snap, and everything is going to be “peachy keen.” The authors never warned me that marriage, next to motherhood would be one of the hardest things I would ever do.   I was blind sided to the fact that the love I had for my husband, the head over heals love when we first met and married was emotion – feelings – that come and go with circumstance.  That yes, the passion you once felt, the lustful burst that thrust you into his arms can fade after the children and mortgage and heating bills come.  That if you’re not careful you can go from romantic partners to business partners allowing the spark that ignited your relationship to flicker out.

But don’t panic!  This isn’t the end of the story either.  Too many people think that once the spark has fizzled the story ends, the marriage is over.  But I have found that, although you can’t see the flame, the heat is still there, lingering in the embers and all you need is a little oxygen, a little actual love, to reignite the passion.  The Marriam-Webster dictionary defines love as “affection and tenderness felt by lovers” but I don’t think that’s all there is to love.

Last night my husband and I got into a fight, no wait that’s putting it lightly, we got into a war, which he started (not that he realizes).  There was a crescendo of cussing and words that ought never to be spoken to someone you love.  The anger I felt was surprising to me, I was shocked by how quickly I could be enraged at him, my “prince,” and over such a little thing.  But then I realized it wasn’t just a little thing; it was a bunch of little things that I allowed to build up, until I exploded.  At this realization, it occurred to me that perhaps I had overreacted and had I shown a little patience we could have avoided the whole fight.  In that moment, as my husband and I apologized to one another and began chuckling at our foolishness it hit me; maybe there’s two kinds of love, the emotional love that drew me to my husband and the actual love that keeps us together. 

1Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  The love that 1 Corinthians speaks of is that of action.  I think it is this kind of love that is the sustaining love.  To love your husband is to make a conscious decision not to diminish him when he makes a mistake or keep a record of how often he forgets to take out the trash.  It is an act of love to be patient when your wife fails to put the laundry away and you are left searching for a clean towel and underwear, or when she changes the plans you both agreed on at the last minute.  Of course we can’t love perfectly, but if we choose to try, this actual love can re-ignite the faded passion, and if we don’t give up, perhaps the fairytale can be reality. 
So, does prince charming exist?  Yes, though he's not perfect, but then again neither is Cinderella; and as far as living happily ever after, with actual love anything is possible.

After thought:
I never really pegged myself for a Cinderella, but if the shoe fits…